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Raising Kids
 | For those with no children - this is totally hysterical! |
| For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. |
| For those who have children this age, this is not funny. |
| For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. |
| For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control. |
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas...
Things I've learned from my boys (not kidding):
- A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house
inches deep.
- If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite.
- A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
- If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman
cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint
on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
- You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using
a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you
get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
- The glass in windows (even double-pane doesn't stop a baseball hit by a
ceiling fan.
- When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too
late.
- Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
- A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
- Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old
boy.
- Playdo and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
- Super glue is forever.
- No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't
walk on water.
- Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
- VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches, even though TV commercials
show
they do.
- Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
- Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
- You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
- Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like
ovens.
- The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
- The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
- It will, however, make cats dizzy.
- Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
- 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
- Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without
kids.
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